“You are going to have to unlearn everything you ever learned about nutrition to save your daughter’s life.”
That one sentence had more meaning then I even knew at the time. I also did not fully believe it.
My 16-year-old daughter had just been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. I was trained as a registered dietitian and held a master’s degree in nutrition. Not only had I missed the red flags, but I thought I was going to ace this recovery. After all, this was my wheelhouse. I got this! Or, so I thought.
As a family, we always ate on the “healthier” side, but we never limited foods. All foods were OK, in “moderation”. Isn’t that what “they” say? What “they” did not say was the quickest and only way out of an eating disorder was to eat. And to eat foods that are super high in fat. Foods that I had not brought into my home in…..ever. Foods that when I told a fellow RD colleague of mine what we were instructed to do she said to me, “you know Laura, you are going to cure one eating disorder and have another one on your hands if you feed her that crap.” Talk about feeling defeated.
My shopping cart looked like I was feeding a team of linebackers – sticks of butter, gallons of heavy whipping cream, cartons of full fat ice cream, cookies, frozen foods, dozens of eggs, every known chip to man, candy, white breads, sodas……. Not a vegetable to be found. But I was at war and this was my ammunition. I was even a bit embarrassed for anyone to see the contents of my grocery cart – I could feel the judgement following me around the aisles of the store. I was always known for being a ”healthy” role model.
Food was the medicine, and this was the quickest way to get results.
I had to “unlearn” it all. And it was hard, but the alternative was way harder.
And it was the truth. Food all become neutral. No such thing as “healthy” foods. ALL foods provide some type of nourishment and that was what was needed. Brains become malnourished when not fed properly and this IS the first line of treatment.
As time went on, I learned that there were going to be so many more things I was going to have to “unlearn”. Neutralizing food choices was just the tip of the iceberg. Next up was almost a harder lesson to uncover and breakdown – how diet culture has seeped into every single fiber of my beliefs….and how they are damaging and not “healthy” lessons.
