Confessions from an Ex-RD

Have you ever looked back on parts of your former self and just shake your head?

The experience is soul wrenching.  It is like seeing a stranger in the rear-view mirror.  They resemble someone you knew but at a closer glance, you have no idea who they are, and you may not even like parts of them very much. Well, at least that is my own personal experience.

If you have read my past blogs or followed me on social media, you know that I was a registered dietitian and I was in the “food, health and wellness” sphere for over 20 years.  My life’s work was promoting a “healthier” lifestyle and I embraced the mission and felt like I was REALLY helping others in my pursuits. I have always been a person of authenticity and if I did not believe in something, I would not promote it (publicly or personally).  That was until the spring of 2020.  As Covid was making its way into our everyday lives and the world was literally shutting down, my younger daughter was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.  I was immediately set into mama bear mode and assumed with my knowledge I would be able to turn this around pretty quickly.  Turns out that was one of the many things I was wrong about during this period.

The subsequent 4-6 months of my life led me to a monumental pivot in my professional life, but it extended into my personal life – as the lines have always been a bit blurred.  For the first time in my life, I was able to look at “health” through a different set of glasses and dang did I need a new prescription.   And trust me, I walked around squinting and not wanting to change until I just could not avoid it any longer. Much about what I had stood for and promoted my entire professional life was simply……. inaccurate.  And the number of humans I shamed in the process hurts me to my core.

Let me be clear. I had ZERO idea and always thought I was doing the right thing.  I never had to look at things from a different perspective because in the wellness world, “healthy” is always the gold standard. It is the definition of “health” that is often misleading….and often elitist.  

My mantra has become “you only know what you know, and when you know better, you do better” (adapted from Maya Angelo’s famous quote) I vowed to keep doing better and to spread my message. 

I would like to confess publicly a few beliefs and messages that I had incorrect. Before I do, I want to be clear that I am not passing judgment on anyone that chooses to engage in this type of messaging.  I did it for years and firmly believed I was doing the right thing.  Unfortunately, yet fortunately, life led me to look at things differently and I feel it is my duty to educate about a different point of view. If you do not agree, that is absolutely fine!!  I respect your beliefs.  In life, we are all on different journeys. Globally, 2020 definitely tested us and taught us to look at things differently and I am glad that I was open to doing so.  Here are just a few of my “confessions” – which also are lessons I learned during my journey.  

Confession #1: I believed that if you live in a larger body (aka fat), you should lose weight to improve your health.  Intentionally trying to lose weight is a great goal for one’s health status and, for some, happiness.

Pretty much from the time I started my nutrition training this was a given.  The majority of clients/patients I worked with over the greater part of the past 20 years had weight loss goals.  This IS what I was trained to do!!!  It had become common knowledge that, if you are “overweight”, basically every disease (or ailment) that you seek medical attention for, you will be advised to lose weight.  I assumed that was solid medical advice.  Through my research and education this past year, I have learned that weight loss ALONE is not an indicator of being at a high risk for most diseases.  I was aghast reading study after study that proved this concept wrong. (I highly suggest reading, “The Anti-Diet” by Christy Harrison.  https://christyharrison.com/book-anti-diet-intuitive-eating-christy-harrison She does an amazing job of breaking this all down and all the references you could ever need! Weight status ALONE is not an indicator of one’s health.  Weight is NOT a vital sign. The problem with most studies that “prove” weight status to be an issue is that it is ONLY looking at the participants weight and no other factors that can and often do play a huge role in one’s health. These are formally called Social Determinants of Change (SDOC) and are things like socioeconomic status, accessibility to medical care, access to medical care without “fat phobic” professionals, human connections, sleep, accessibility to adequate diet, physical fitness/ access to physical fitness, etc.    The majority of studies show correlation but NOT causation!!  We do not know if weight status ALONE causes the myriad of health conditions that it is blamed on. This blew my mind!!!  I never had anyone point this out to me.  And it continues to fire me up. Weight loss is not a panacea to good health yet often it becomes a barrier to proper medical care.  

Confession #2: Use of before and after photos as inspiration

Being in the wellness sphere for most of my life, I always LOVED a good before and after photo. I found them to be fascinating. Everything about transformations really inspired me.  I looked to them for inspiration and as someone that worked in the industry, I used them to inspire others and show “what is possible”.  What I never knew was how painful these comparisons are for so many.   This was a HUGE punch to my gut.  Here are a few scenarios to think about.  Think of someone who lives in a very large body.  They may have been on every diet under the sun and they just cannot seem to get their body to shrink and society constantly shames them for their body.  They feel bad enough.  Scrolling through Facebook or Instagram they are bombarded with these comparisons – however, the BEFORE photo that is being shamed, would be a “success” story for this individual and it makes them feel so much more self-conscious and shameful of their own body. Some may argue that it should inspire them to want to change.  Most likely they have tried. Most likely they have not had long term success (over 5 years keeping the weight off) which is the case with 95% of those that engage in intentional weight loss.  The other scenario is the person that sees this comparison and it makes them feel horrible about their current body so they decide to attempt their own weight loss journey.  Those that go on a diet, are FIVE times more likely to develop an eating disorder than those that do not (according to NEDA).  Another falsehood of these types of images is people may wrongfully think that if do exactly what this individual does (food and exercise) they TOO can have the same result. And, my friends, science does not work that way.  But many do not understand that there are so many factors that make up one’s body – mainly genetics.    Therefore, I regret ever posting before and after photos.  I take full responsibility that I am certain I triggered many people with these irresponsible images.  Once again, if this is something you feel great about doing and it is part of your brand/image, you do you. I am sharing my journey and what I have come to terms with through my real-life experience.

Confession # 3: Fitness Promotions

I LOVE to exercise.  Yes. This is my truth.  I feel good when I move my body.  There are times I may nudge myself a bit to get moving but it absolutely gets my day going and helps my mental state.  I did not always like to exercise but over the years I have found ways to build community around my movement and this creates joy in my life.  With ALL of that being said, I never thought about how triggering my own physical fitness choices could trigger others.   I used to feel that it helped build my “healthy” brand to post about my fitness performance.  I also thought that more was better and more impressive!!  Being fully immersed in the world of eating disorders, I was also introduced to the world of over-exercising and exercise addiction.  I became well versed in those that over did exercise and were applauded for their hours of fitness. I, too, had to take a look at my own habits (being on lockdown and being bored led me to train a bit too much and be fully unaware because isn’t more, better?  NOPE!)   Fitness is great. Do not get me wrong.  However, there is a fine line.  I have met so many individuals over the past 2 years that admit that they took their exercise to a different level.  It hindered their life.  Their vacations.  Their relationships.  Their diet. It is an area that people get praised for their “dedication” and drive and what is not noticed is this addiction is often unhealthy.  “Just do it”, “The only workout you ever regret is the one you did not do”, “no pain, no gain” The list goes on with these fitness mantras.  It is OK to NOT do it, missing a workout is truly not a sin and do not get me started about the “no pain, no gain” mentality or the “puke bucket” ,“get in the hell hole” or the “pain cave” – things I use to hear at  Crossfit.  Movement is vital to life and I am a huge proponent of it, but the sensationalism of fitness is problematic.  And, I never really looked at this from a different point of view.

I could literally go on for pages with more examples, but my main point is that once you step out of your zone and see things differently, I invite you to be open minded.  My mission is to show a different point of view. One I was unaware of.  The past is the past and I cannot change it, but I can do things differently in the future and one of my biggest goals is to open other eyes to these misconceptions that I previously had.  

Isn’t life about learning, growing and becoming a better version of yourself every day? Sometimes in the mess admitting you could do better is a beautiful discovery.  

What do you think?